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NOVEMBER
2002 I always felt "big" though looking back to grade school, much of it was because I was taller than all my friends and had a "chest" and all my friends happened to be toothpick thin with no "chests"! Yes, as Heidi mentions, our parents were ALWAYS on a diet or talking about a diet. We ate very large portions and were members of the clean plate club. I remember being bribed (didn't work!) to lose weight and earn money or new clothes. I don't think I ever thought I was heavy until someone brought it to my attention and then I became obsessed about it. My really bad habits began in high school when my best friend went through the whole ABC's of anorexia, bulimia and compulsive overeating. I remember sitting on a band bus listening to the drill team girls talk about throwing up. Thankfully, I have never had more than a fleeting glimpse into the world of anorexia and bulimia but the compulsive overeating to comfort and make me feel good did become a problem that has been like a roller coaster for the last 30 years or so. In high school, like many, the bad eating habits set me up to adore things like chips, candy bars and diet coke (of course). Again, I look back at many pictures of when I thought I was so fat and can only dream of looking like that now! A poor self image did nothing to help. Having a very abundant "chest" that I was always self conscious about made me automatically think I was heavy when I quite often wasn't. I remember reading every diet article and trying every diet gimmick that came along. When I had my first child, I gained about 55 lb. but amazingly lost it all fairly quickly. I always thought I was still heavy but now realize I was at a great weight and looked and felt really good. I only gained about 40 lb. with my second child and was really psyched to lose the weight quickly again. When my son was only 2 months old, my dad was killed by a drunk driver and I spiraled into a "who cares" attitude and slowly started using food as a comfort. I kept the extra weight on for probably about 7 years before I did a program called "Weigh Down" and lost 30 lb. I felt great, though I knew I still had more to lose. I had a breast reduction, to which I can only say "I sure wish I had done it years earlier!!". My self esteem about my physical body finally was at an all time high. I still fluctuated up and down, though, because of poor eating habits and no exercise. I got braces on my teeth almost 2 years ago and because of incredible pain with part of the procedure, I again lost weight. Once the pain was gone and I got braver with what I ate, the weight started coming back. One year ago, while we were in the midst of moving and living temporarily with one of my sister's, I actually lost weight and was under my driver's license weight! (You know we always keep the lowest weight we have ever been on our driver's license!!) But now, here it is a year later and I am 25 lb. heavier than I was one year ago. I can't wear all the cute clothes I bought last year and am having heartburn, backaches and knee pains. (By the way, for those of you who read my parenting article where I mentioned leg problems: No blood clots is the good news. Bad knee problem is the most likely culprit and I will need to see a doctor about it.) Trying to "diagnose" why I gained the weight back (again!) I know that being in our own home now and having full access to the refrigerator and stove make it easy. Trying to create that "loving home atmosphere" has made baking and having comfort meals for the family enjoyable. We have a home fellowship potluck/bible study in our home weekly and all the wonderful foods that people bring make it tempting. The stress of homeschooling and parenting 4 children and taking care of the "home fires" make eating comforting and desirable. And I love chocolate! So what do I do now to get myself psyched?!?! For everyone who has ever dieted to lose weight, you know that it is not as easy as just saying "OK, I think I will lose x amount of pounds" and then you just do it. If it was that easy, we wouldn't be talking about it. For me, weight gain and loss seems like one roller coaster ride after another.......... I like being at a healthy weight and fitting into my clothes. I want to get rid of the heartburn and hopefully take some excess weight strain off my back and knee. I want to be a good example to my children and more desirable to my husband. (Side note: I have the most wonderfully supportive husband who NEVER gives me any grief about my weight and would tell anyone that he desires me no matter what I look like!) Still, I want to look really nice for my husband......... :-) As a Christian, I also look at the spiritual side and the bible talks about our body being a temple for the Holy Spirit. We are told to show self-control, which is a fruit of the Spirit. Though the bible places much more emphasis on the condition of our heart, there are many examples of healthy eating (Remember Daniel) and the value in taking care of our physical bodies. SO, I have now committed to be accountable by writing updates of my struggles and victories. This seems hard at this time of the year because we are right at the beginning of a food-filled holiday season with lots of tempting goodies and opportunities for sharing meals with friends. My goal for this month will be to really cut back the amounts of the food I eat. I know I will want to eat many of the special treats and I want to do some baking with my kids, but I can definitely watch how much of these I eat! We already have started using smaller plates for our meals and have had some great successes. I am still struggling with the chocolate. Next month maybe I will be able to work on getting it out of my home..............we shall see! :-)
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Heidi
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If you want to help instill values, virtues and character in your child then check out this out! |
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Heidi Hoke
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