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 APRIL 2003 - NIGHTTIME PARENTING Shortly after finishing last month's article I knew exactly what I wanted to write about this month...nighttime parenting. Sabrina had been part-time co-sleeping with us since she was 2 months old, before that she was sleeping in our bed all night. Now mind you, I say "us" and "our", but I've pretty much taken over nighttime parenting of Sabrina. This is mostly because I nurse her at night and since she is snuggled up close to me I know what's going on with her. Now, about six weeks ago I decided I wanted more space at night and therefore wanted Sabrina in her crib for more than the initial 4-5 hour stretch at the beginning of the night. I plunged right in - full force - the first night. She only woke up 2 times, once at the 1 o'clock hour and once at the 4 o'clock hour - pretty typical. The first time I nursed her in the glider chair until she fell completely into deep sleep (this took about an hour) and the second time I did the same (this also took about an hour). Normally I would nurse her in bed as we both drifted off to sleep. The whole family got up at 6:00 AM to get ready for the day. I was tired, but happy that Sabrina had slept the whole night in her crib. The second night things changed a little. She woke up at the 11 o'clock hour, I nursed her and laid her down again. She woke up at the 1 o'clock hour, I nursed her, but wasn't able to get her down by herself, so she came in bed next to me. She also woke up at the 3 o'clock hour and I nursed her laying down in our bed as she was most used to. I was exhausted by 6:00 AM. The third night I wasn't even able to lay her down after she initially fell asleep for the night. She'd wake up and want to latch on again. After three days, I got a clue. My nighttime parenting was better when we were part-time co-sleeping. I was so tired from the first night that I was not as functional during the day and the following nights. I wondered why I had gone and ruined a perfectly good thing. It's not as though I was unhappy with the previous arrangement. It's not as though I really needed more space, I just wanted to be able to sleep in a different position every now and then instead of on my side facing Sabrina. I also wanted to get Sabrina used to sleeping all night on her own before she got too old to put up a fight about it - you know the drill, sitting up/standing up and screaming for hours (ok, that's a little exaggerated but you know what I mean). What I was forgetting though, was that nighttime is a time to parent too, not just daytime. I was putting my own wishes ahead of Sabrina's needs. Sabrina needs to have security in sleep. She needs to know she's safe, even when she's sleeping. She knows this by sleeping next to me in her most vulnerable hours of sleep - usually between 1:00 AM and 6:00 AM. I realized that she got worse each night because she was losing trust in me being there for her. Her sleep got lighter and her patterns changed because I had changed our sleeping arrangement without even considering how it would affect her. What happened after that third night was a little over a month's worth of restless nights. Sabrina wouldn't lay in her crib - even for naptime. She only wanted to fall asleep nursing, laying down on my bed. At night she would wake up just about every 2 hours and most of the night she would want to be latched onto my breast. I would say she was good and traumatized. We are finally back to our original nighttime routine of nursing Sabrina to sleep around 7:30 PM and laying her in her crib around 8:00 PM. She wakes for the first time around 1:00 AM and I bring her into bed with me to nurse and sleep. After that she wakes up only one more time around 3:00 AM - and we both barely wake up enough to latch on and nurse. I am quite happy with this arrangement. I get the beginning part of my night to sleep in any position I choose, she gets to sleep comfortably next to me during her vulnerable sleeping period and we are both happier people the next day. Now some of you may say I am not doing her any good by letting her "have her way". I don't feel that way at all. I believe I am helping her feel comfortable and safe to sleep at night. Someday she will sleep on her own all night, I am confident of that, but for now we will leave things just the way they are. When she is ready to take the next step and sleep a few more hours on her own, I will be there to parent her and help her with that nighttime transition. For those of you who sleep with your children, I encourage you to always do what's best for your family. What works for some doesn't work for others, and all personalities are different. Remember this when someone gives you advice that just doesn't feel right, even if it worked for them. I'm not here to condemn or promote any one particular nighttime situation, just trust yourself, trust your baby and you will always do what's right. |
 Teach your children essential tools for life. Heidi's husband Nick is the author of this educational workbook for children.  We purchased a new 8 ft. tree for our barren front yard which was delivered by the local nursery. Isaac watched in amazement as the truck pulled up our driveway and 4 grown men got out to place this tall skinny tree with a 2 1/2 ft. diameter root ball onto our front lawn. One worker came to the front door to inform me that the tree was quite heavy and I assured him that it would not need to be moved very far since we planned on planting it that evening just a few feet from where they placed it. As we were discussing this with Trevor later that afternoon, I was telling him that the root ball was supposedly quite heavy. Isaac, in his 4 year old knowledge and not wanting to be left out of this exciting conversation, chimed up and said "I know how heavy it is! It's four heavy!" How right he was. |
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