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 JULY 2003 - A MOM'S FIRST JOB...TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF Take care of yourself. So easy to say, yet not always so easy to do - especially when you're a mom of young children. I've recently discovered how much I was not taking care of myself. Boy, did I feel silly when I realized that. Who is supposed to take care of me? Me...of course. I have been spirally downward emotionally since Sabrina's birth last October. A month and a half ago I visited my OB/GYN to talk about postpartum depression. After a good hour + talk he told me that PPD typically gets better by six months postpartum and not worse (which was the case with me) so he diagnosed me with just plain old regular depression. Man, was that depressing! I couldn't even blame my unhappiness on childbirth. After much discussion with the doc, I decided to take an antidepressant for a while to help the chemicals in my brain balance back out again. I am so glad that I did. I don't like to take drugs, but man am I happy to be taking this one. I started feeling better within the first week. I felt energized, happy, and silly again instead of tired, irritated and angry. I also visited with a mental therapist for 4 weeks. After discussing many things that I was unhappy about, it all basically came down to this...I was not taking care of myself. I put the needs and wants of everyone else in the family before myself. I was also not talking to my husband about my needs, wants, and desires - that's bad, bad, bad. I have a wonderful and loving husband who wants me to be happy and I wasn't telling him what I needed to be happy. I was trying to take on everything myself and handle it all - the kids, the household chores, and organizing each day with all necessary events. I was not delegating or asking for help. Why do I feel the need to take on so much? I'm a perfectionist. I'm a nurturer. I'm a caretaker. I assume the role of the do-it-all and do-it-happy person, only I wasn't happy anymore. Well, NO MORE! I've stopped waiting for the perfect opportunity to have the quiet intimate talk with my husband each day (because that just is never going to happen) and started blabbing about whatever, whenever it comes to mind. I know this is how it should have always been, but I mistakenly held back. I am happy to tell you that my husband now knows what I need help with every day. I tell him all kinds of stuff that I never thought of sharing before. We also have a "date" night every Saturday evening. Since we're not really able to leave the kids with a sitter yet, for now we watch a movie and share popcorn after the kids go to bed. I have also made a pact with myself to start exercising more - I'm starting really slow this time and am walking around my neighborhood every Tuesday. I plan to walk more days after I form a good habit of at least once a week. I also shower every day before I leave the house. That's something I wasn't able to do previously because of our shared vehicle and hectic morning schedule. I also love scrapbooking and will be joining classes again once I get a new schedule from my Creative Memories coordinator. My therapist related life to me in this way - put on your own oxygen mask first, and then assist the person next to you. If I am unable to care for myself first, then I will not be able to care for my marriage and children in a healthy way. My OB/GYN gave me these three rules which I'd like to share with you: 1) Take care of yourself first 2) Take care of your marriage second 3) Fit the kids in somewhere after that By taking care of myself, he told me to 1) exercise, 2) find a personal interest and pursue it, and 3) express my needs to those around me. By taking care of my marriage he told me to make time with my husband without the children on a regular basis. After the kids are grown, what's left is the marriage and by nurturing it now it will always be strong. By taking care of those things first, I should find it easier to handle life as a mom and dealing with the kids (the good and the bad). I hope by sharing my struggles I can help someone out there. Nobody will take care of you but YOU. Do it now. Write it down if you need to. Make a pact with yourself. Do things for yourself. Make sure you are healthy so that you can take better care of your marriage and family. I know I will. I've learned a valuable lesson that I will never forget. |
 Teach your children essential tools for life. Heidi's husband Nick is the author of this educational workbook for children.  Isaac: Dad, did you pick your nose when you were a kid? Trevor: No. Isaac: Well, I do! |
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