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JULY
2003
- FEAR FACTOR - KID STYLE
My
husband and I don't sit down to watch much television together but when
we do, we watch Survivor and Fear Factor. My husband especially enjoys
these shows thinking about how he could outdo the contestants and we
both have a good laugh when they blow the big stunt or make an unwise
alliance.
My husband doesn't admit much to having fears. He talks about how disgusting
a certain stunt might be (eating pig spleen) or how challenging one
might be (underwater tunnel lock up) but I start thinking about how
I would feel if I were the one getting ready to be dunked underwater
with a key in one hand and my ankles and wrists in padlocks. Not good.
Children have fears all their own, to an adult they may seem illogical
but to a child who doesn't have the life experience or good reasoning
skills they can be very frightening. Simon (age 3.5) has been having
nightmares recently. Most of them have been TV related. Two have been
from Scooby Doo and one from the nightly news (I'm guessing from the
content of his dream). I don't let Simon watch anything that isn't already
know by me - no new shows unless I hear from another parent that they
are nonviolent. My husband usually isn't around during TV time (only
in the a.m. and he is at work then) and so on the weekends I may be
privileged enough to get some extra sleep or be working on the computer,
and my hubby is downstairs fixing breakfast and in charge of the boys.
I'm sure Nick didn't realize Scooby Doo can be scary. I'm sure he never
even thought about it. But Simon's little brain took all those images
in and in the middle of the night a bad dream entered.
Poor kid. He was screaming for us with pure panic. Even after cuddling
and planting happy images in his head, he still closed his eyes, screamed
again and said the dream kept coming back. That was a rough night. It
took both Nick and I to talk him through it. My technique was to empower
him in his dream and he helped me figure out how the villain could be
caught (he'd push him over the boat into the water and Daddy would come
in on his police boat and arrest him). Unfortunately, this didn't work
though because he woke up again screaming. Finally, Nick went in and
since he had actually seen the show Simon was dreaming about, he reminded
him of all the funny things in the show and apparently this worked and
he didn't wake up until the morning.
A few weeks later he had another Scooby Doo related dream about a villain
underground having a telescope. Let's just say, we aren't watching Scooby
Doo anymore. I too have to remember he is only 3 and those images are
very scary for him. It isn't just the images though, it is the music
and the atmosphere. Dora The Explorer is a great example of this. Generally
speaking a great show for kids; lots of interesting characters, memory
building activities, Spanish words and more. But the problem lies with
Swiper The Fox. "That silly swiper the fox" as we refer to
him...he is always trying to steal something from the main characters.
The problem is that the music changes when he comes on and Simon is
very in tune with that. Also, Dora and Boots (her monkey sidekick) always
say "OOOOOHHHH SWIPER!!" which just freaks Simon out. It doesn't
matter that if they say "Swiper no swiping" three times, he
never gets the object of desire and says "Oh Rats!" and runs
off. Simon can't even get to that part of the show. In fact, Dora comes
on right after Blues Clues and the moment he hears "Coming up next...Dora
The Explorer" he wigs out "MOM!!!!!! They said Dora was coming
on next!!!!" and he starts shaking and screaming.
Logic does not work here. I've tried it and failed. I've tried explaining
the entire concept before the show starts, during the events, and afterwards
and it has little effect on his freaking out. Because the show switches
from Blues Clues to Dora right about the time I'm nursing Carter to
sleep for a nap, it became necessary to teach him where the power button
on the remote was. This works great. I have also taught him where the
"mute" button is and he uses this whenever he sees or hears
anything scary. I've also just recently taught him where the "flashback"
button is so that he can switch between two stations and put Sesame
Street on instead of Dora. These are just little changes we've made
to help him with the TV watching.
As for the nightmares, Super-Daddy planted another inventive prop on
him. He gave him a "magic" zipper pull that keeps him safe.
He puts it on his pajama zippers and if he has no zipper, puts it on
his pillow or next to his radio. He is very much into magic right now,
especially Daddy magic, so this seemed to fit perfectly with this stage.
I know that as he gets older his fears will change. Already I can see
him becoming afraid at trying new things and so I give him the verbiage
that will empower him and help him understand what he feels. He just
started swimming lessons and was scared. I told him that I also get
nervous and anxious when trying new things but I still try them anyways
and then my nervousness goes away. I put to words what I imagined his
fears were "You are scared because Mommy won't be in the water
with you and you won't have any floaties" and he said yes. So then
I addressed each issue, that he'd have an instructor there to teach
him and he would make sure Simon was safe in the water. He was still
anxious so I offered him an out "Maybe you'll just want to dangle
your feet in the water today and if you feel like doing more you can."
Of course I knew he'd be totally into it and loving the lessons once
his toes hit the water (and he was) but I wanted to give him an out
to make him feel more secure about the situation.
I know I'm just laying the groundwork for the fears of the future; starting
school, wanting to be accepted by friends, what college am I going to
attend, am I going to find my soul mate...OK, I'm jumping the gun a
little. I feel grateful I'm just dealing with cartoons and swimming
right now because that's probably about all I can handle!
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