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AUGUST
2003
- LIQUID LOVE
My mother breastfed 4 children in the late 50's and through the 60's.
Both my sisters breastfed their 3 (collective) biological children.
For me, breastfeeding wasn't an option, is was a "duh". When
pregnant with my first son, I spoke with my prospective pediatrician
who asked if I'd be breastfeeding and how long I thought I'd do it.
I told him until the kid bites me (which at that time was the standard
weaning time in my family of origin). He enlightened me and said there
were ways to make the baby stop and he encouraged me to not let that
stop me. From that point on I made a point to learn as much as I could
- as much as you can learn without actually nursing.
In preparation for birth I read Dr. Sears' "Birth Book" (a
quintessential guide to birth) which lead me to his "Baby Book".
That book has so much great information about how breastfeeding works
and gave me so much encouragement. The American Academy of Pediatrics
recommends nursing at least one year. The World Health Organization
recommends nursing two years. I decided to aim for the latter!
When Simon was born I of course was ecstatic, but nursing hurt from
the get-go. The lactation specialist visited me, gave me hints but generally
said I was doing fine. Without going into too much painstaking detail,
the following 6 weeks were torture, just short of getting my nails pulled
out with pliers. Every nursing hurt so bad it made me cry tears. I couldn't
stand to nurse in public for fear of the grimace on my face would scare
strangers. During the first 2 weeks I called the public health lactation
specialist who made a home visit and watched me nurse. My technique/positioning
was fine and for the first time I did it and it didn't hurt! It is like
when your car is making that funny noise and you bring it into the shop
and it sounds fine...no problems. The mechanic just looks at you and
says 'Sounds good to me, ma'am.' Unfortunately, by the next nursing
things were the same again - unbearable pain. Some people had told me
that your nipples would be sore for up to a week or two when you first
start nursing. Other information I read in books told me they should
never hurt and if they do you are doing it wrong. All I knew is that
the pain HAD to end soon and that I would just keep drudging along.
Anything short of nursing for me was a failure and I wasn't going to
fail my child.
During the first 9 months I had mastitis twice, leaked pretty steadily
the first entire year, and eventually called it quits at 21 months,
just shy of my 2 year goal. I'm so glad I made it through nursing past
the first 6 torturous weeks.
As you can imagine, my fear of nursing pain crept back when I was pregnant
with Carter. Our pediatrician said it would likely hurt gain, it was
normal. I summarily dismissed that thinking, in fact, I was determined
to not let it happen again! I reread my books and this time around I
had so much personal experience PLUS a huge on-line group of resources/people/websites
etc. that I didn't have access to the first time around. I felt I was
in such a better position of knowledge.
And then came Carter. I had a c-section with him and he had to receive
antibiotics in the nursery, so I couldn't visit him (and nurse!) until
my legs had feeling again after the spinal block. I was SO anxious to
get my hands on that baby and have him nurse! Finally we were reunited
and when I put him to my breast he opened his mouth real big and he
was latched....and I had NO PAIN!!! He was such an angel and such a
great nurser. This kid could open his mouth! I think it is only by comparison
that I can say Simon did not open his mouth very wide and I'm pretty
sure that caused a lot of my nursing pain. I remember begging him "Big
Mouth...Big Mouth..."
When Carter was 5 months old my period came back. At that time, either
my milk supply was low or my son was way more needy than usual and he'd
nurse before bedtime and just arch and cry cuz the milk ran dry. It
was like that for about a week and then everything seemed back to normal.
Ever since then though I've been a little paranoid about having enough
milk. My milk-mantra is "the more you nurse, the more milk you
have" and I'd keep reminding myself that.
My next nursing crisis/challenge came a few months later when Carter
had a cold and was stuffed up so bad he couldn't breathe and nurse at
the same time. He went over 24 hours w/o nursing (I pumped and he drank
from a cup). Part of me wondered if it was really his nose or if he
was rejecting me on purpose - maybe he didn't want to nurse anymore.
Luckily he went right back on the boob...until about 2 months later
the same thing happened again (cold/stuffed up/no nursing). Again, he
went right back to nursing.
A week ago Carter stopped nursing. He would put his mouth on, but then
take it right back off and look at me, as if to say "What IS this
thing in front of me?" - Seriously, he looked like he had amnesia.
I could tell he was preoccupied and in pain from teething, so I'd treat
him for that but it wasn't enough to get him back to nursing. For 3
days, at most, he'd nurse about a minute or two about twice a day. I
was getting VERY concerned. Mind you, Carter is over a year old, so
I'm not concerned nutritionally for him, more emotionally for me. I
wasn't ready to give up nursing. I thought I'd be the one to call it
quits, not him. I started thinking about all the things I loved about
nursing him. How he gently pulls my hair, how I can hear his stomach
growl when he garbles down my milk, how I can hear him sucking and swallowing,
how after 5 minutes he slows down and his eyes get heavy and finally
when he is too tired to nurse - how his lips just part and release me
physically from him. Bliss. Liquid love.
When they are infants, especially newborns, you know you must nurse
them constantly for them to thrive. Every ounce of weight gain is because
of you and what you've given to them. With the hundreds of feeding sessions
comes that security, that warmth, that contentment that is more than
just nourishment - it really is liquid love. And that is what I didn't
want to give up with Carter just quite yet.
Luckily Carter is 'back on the boob'. After 3 days he decided he'd nurse
more consistently again. It looks like we are down to about 3x a day
now (versus the 4-6 before) but I'm happy and so is he. Knowing this
is my last child, I've been even more grateful of each nursing that
we have together and now after my latest scare, to say I'm even more
grateful would be obvious.
For more information on the numerous benefits of breastfeeding, see
our section on breastfeeding on our Resources page ~ click
here.
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