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DECEMBER
2003 - SIBLING RIVALRY
Everyone warned me that when I brought the new baby home, my oldest
(who was just shy of 3 at the time) would resent the baby and want him
to go away. Luckily, this was far from the truth. Simon had nothing
but loving feelings for his baby brother.
For awhile he was annoyed with me though. He didn't want to snuggle
with me or hang out with me - he definitely turned quickly into a Daddy's
boy. My husband took 6 weeks off after the birth, so our transition
to 2 children was much smoother and Simon spent a lot of time with Daddy.
Simon has taken the role of big brother seriously. His is naturally
a goofy kid and he just loves to make Carter smile and laugh. Carter
is a full-fledged toddler now and he just adores his Simon. They play
together pretty well, usually Simon initiating something with Carter.
Imitation has been a big developmental step for Carter lately and big
brother is the key educator! Simon climbs on a box and jumps on the
sofa and Carter does the same; Simon dances and points to the TV and
Carter does the same; Simon bursts out laughing and Carter is right
behind him; Simon drags his hand across the kitchen cabinets as he walks
and so does little brother, right behind him.
Simon loves to engage with all the babies he sees. At our weekly playgroup,
he tries to make the babies laugh by playing peek-a-boo and at the grocery
store he told me "I just showed that baby my Spiderman tattoo."
As for his brother, he taught Carter what an elephant says, how to blow
raspberries and he is a certified quiz-master "Carter, what does
a cow say? Carter, what does a fish say? Carter, what does a duck say?
Carter, where's the truck? Carter, where's the blue car?" Sometimes
I have to step in and ask him to hold off a bit so his brother can eat
his food instead of answer all of Simon's queries.
Although sibling rivalry and relations had been ideal up to this point,
I assumed that at some time there would be conflict and I was right.
At 17 months, Carter has a serious mind of his own. He screams when
things don't go his way and he's not beyond throwing himself on the
floor to protest a wrongdoing. Of course at this age he has a limited
understanding of sharing or fair play. Simon was building a garage made
from blocks and his brother destroyed it. Simon ran into the kitchen
and told me "I want to give Carter away! He's never nice!"
After asking some questions and testing the water, I realized I wouldn't
be able to reason Simon into understanding so I decided to call his
bluff and ask him who we should give Carter to. "Do you know anyone
who needs a baby? Who could nurse him?" Simon said he didn't know,
but after some thought he decided we should give Carter to Grandpa Bill.
After a little more discussion, I came up with a new direction. I told
Simon that if we didn't have Carter anymore we could turn his room into
a playroom. Simon got very excited at that prospect! Then in the same
excited tone, I said "If we don't have Carter, Dad and I might
as well give you away too. I wonder what we could do with your room...."
To say Simon's demeanor changed would have been an understatement. His
eyes got huge, his brows were furrowed and he said emphatically, "If
you gave me away, I would tell whoever you gave me to, to bring me back
to you immediately!" GOT HIM! I then explained that if either he
or his brother were away from me, my heart would be broken and I'd be
very sad. There's no way I'd let anyone take them away from me and there's
no way I'd give them away to anyone...even wonderful Grandpa Bill.
I have no illusion that this little lesson learned by Simon will be
the end-all. More like an inoculation, not a cure. In the meantime,
the boys continue to enjoy each other. Maybe the next time Carter will
be annoyed with Simon...
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