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FEBRUARY
2003 - ROUTINES
- THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE RIDICULOUS
As the mother of multiple children (and multiples), my life seems jumbled
and so as I sit to write my article my thoughts regarding parenting
come out all jumbled. I think about how much I want to stop the clock
and all the daily routines that we must go through. Where's the homework,
what chores need to be done? etc. And I have always prided myself that
my children were NOT in every sport known to man, along with dancing
lessons, riding lessons, music lessons, Girl or Boy Scouts, etc. I allowed
each of them to have 1 after school activity, but that means that with
3 children we have something going on 3 days a week after school and
then music to practice every day. So, it becomes the busy life I wanted
to get away from. I force myself to not always think of what I need
to get them to do next, but to just soak in their laughter (because
even though they are silly - at least they aren't fighting!)
Through the years I've tried to seek out moments of snuggling and special
dates with one child at a time. We began this when my oldest was about
4 and I knew she needed something alone with us, being the sister to
younger twins. We also wanted to have the twins have their own time
with a parent since they were always sharing, even when their older
sister was at school, they had someone to share with. And although we
aren't always on schedule for our dates, we still try to have them to
look forward to. The Daddy Daughter Dance this month is a great way
for my husband to have our two girls and for my son and myself to create
our own "Mommy/Son Night". I wish I had great answers on how
to slow down the clock, stop rushing to get everything done and dictating
to the kids. But by writing this I realize I have been trying to concentrate
on the whole quality time together - what we make of each moment. Lots
of hugs and words of encouragement rather than commands and reminders.
That is my new goal!
When I read one of the other mom's article from Jan. about charts, I
had to laugh because I realize I don't have perfect little life lessons
to write about that work themselves into wonderful lessons for other
parents. Reality hits my life too hard. I have charts, but why is it
it's not an instant fix with my kids? Yes, we've had them for years
and we change them every so often to bring new interest. We even have
a Morning Job Chart and an Evening Job Chart, complete with pictures
for the non-reader. It is easier to say "Have you checked your
chart?" rather than reminding them about every little thing. But,
my kids don't always do everything on the chart. So, we need to create
strategies for what happens when they SAY they've done everything, and
they truly think they have, but I find things not done, or not done
well enough. It seems it is a constant job to think of consequences
for everything, and in this case for jobs not completed. I decided,
because I read it somewhere, that if I find a job undone then they can
pay me a maid service to complete it (i.e., making beds, picking up
clothes, etc.) But I don't want a maid fee for teeth not brushed, that
is one job I have to police myself (even smelling breath to make sure
they really brushed their teeth, not just sucked on the toothbrush).
Then you go to the dentist and they wonder why you aren't flossing everyone's
teeth at least once a day!!! And WHEN would that be?!! Thank goodness
they all rip their fingernails, because lord knows I'd forget to clip
all 60 fingers and toes! Also, I have to remember to collect the maid
fee when they get home from school, since the impact is much greater
for them to count it out instead of me just taking it. I'm sure they
laugh to themselves as they realize "Mom forgot to collect the
fee!!" I'm lucky if I remember who has lost dessert or TV privileges.
So, I'd better make another chart for that - a place for each person
and where they stand (saw that on a show about sextuplets). Better go
work on that before they get home from school and the backpack shuffle
begins!
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