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MARCH
2003 - DOUBLE
TROUBLE
A familiar title for twins, which as a mother of twins I always despised.
Neither were "trouble", more like double the love. I have
always felt very blessed to have been given the wonderful gift of bringing
two healthy babies into the world, at the same time. My twins, Keith
& Rose, are now about to turn 7 and the early days were very labor
intensive and difficult physically while now sometimes things become
difficult in a different way.
This last year has been difficult because my twins, who are now in 1st
grade, are very different academically. I always assumed they would
have different personalities, likes and dislikes, but I never envisioned
that they would be so different in school. My older daughter read very
early, was very bright, if I do say so myself. So, I assumed the other
two maybe would not shine quite so bright but would do fine in school.
In actuality, they are at opposite ends of the spectrum. My son began
reading before he was 4 and my daughter, now almost 7 struggles to learn
to read in first grade. In fact, my son qualified for the gifted program
while my daughter had testing and qualified for special education. It
has been so heartbreaking to try to encourage Rose and praise Keith
for his successes without making Rose feel less intelligent. We have
given many talks about how people do things at different times, using
the example to Rose that she was the first to learn how to "pump"
by herself on the swing. But, I know that she sees that her same age
brother excels in school and wows the relatives with his memory of state
capitals for example, while she struggles to read. She has amazing physical
abilities, but has a personality that keeps her right now, from participating
in sports because she is intimidated. Hopefully soon we can encourage
her to do a sport she likes to gain more self confidence. In the mean
time we struggle with wanting to encourage her so that she will not
give up. Last year she would simply not try to read but would ask her
brother to read it for her. I want to make him feel good about how smart
he is, yet not where she can hear. It is such a difficult game.
The whole school situation has been difficult and worrisome. Thank goodness
we did not have to split them up entirely, but have them at a school
where the kids are in two different pods (by level, although they don't
totally pick up on that) for part of the day and together in others.
It is very nice for them to have the distance from each other so Rose
can get out from underneath the shadow of her brother. My heart plummeted
this last fall when the teachers mentioned that it may be necessary
to have Rose repeat 1st grade. I cried at the thought that she would
spend the rest of her school years a year behind her twin, and face
all the questions of why she wasn't with him. Of course, as a mother
I get so emotional over this issue, but I have tried to think of what
would be best for her - always struggling or feeling successful in the
grade behind. As of now, she has begun to take off in her reading although
the teachers sometimes feel she is still immature emotionally. I wish
I had a crystal ball to see what would be the best placement for her
- would it devastate her so much to keep her back a year that her self
esteem would plummet? Or would it help her self-esteem immensely to
feel at the top rather than at the bottom?
This is just one example of the tough decisions we as parents must make.
My husband is more willing to do what she needs academically, while
I "freak out" a little at the prospect of doing that to her.
I hope so much that she will blossom and be able to remain with her
class. Only time will tell.
I realize this story doesn't have a particle lesson or moral, but somehow
maybe someone will relate to the tough multifaceted decisions that come
with parenting. It is an example of trying to take emotions out of a
family decision, when it is so difficult to do so. In the end, children
seem to persevere no matter which path they end up on. They are amazingly
strong in that way sometimes. Maybe you can relate to that feeling of
so wanting to shelter them from the obstacles in their life, yet knowing
you have no real control over the obstacles, just the life lessons you
can help to pass on to your children through those obstacles. My husband
believes that we would be able to cushion the blow tremendously by our
comments and reactions to it all. I want to believe, but I do worry.
There seems to be an extra worry gene for females. In any case, it may
not be as devastating as a health issue with a child, but is difficult
nonetheless. Thank goodness the other two children have taken to heart
our lecturing them about being sensitive to Rose and encouraging her
at every step. I just so want to do the right thing. I thought the pregnancy
and birth of twins was difficult, little did I know the complexity of
what was to come! The up side is, is that they are so close. They need
to know where the other one is and help each other out when they are
sick or scared. They have their own special bond, which hopefully will
never change, no matter their differences.
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Emma
told me the other day that she wants to move away from Washington when
she grows up. Rose quickly said, "That's ok mommy, I want to live
right next door and I'll marry Keith" (so he'll be there too!).
Sweet and innocent!
~
Keith
told me that he wants to be a "Mr. Mom" when he grows up
because he "doesn't want to do anything gross like Daddy"
(who's a doctor) and he would get to do whatever he wanted all day
long!" Is that what he thinks I do?!!!!! He did get a bit of
an earful for that one!
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