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JULY
2003 - THE
JOB WARS CONTINUE
I thought that I would continue with a subject that seems to be very
popular and one that has cropped up again in our household - JOB CHARTS.
Ahh yes, it sounds so organized, so easy. But, as I had mentioned in
an earlier article, not so straight forward, since it requires that
they be looked at and checked with some accuracy. I found that I was
following each of my three children around in the morning and telling
them which of the jobs on their charts they didn't get done after they
had told me "I did all my jobs!". This was usually followed
by, "All of them? Did you check the chart?" Of course they
would say yes they had checked the chart and then I would find all the
things that weren't done. So, I finally got fed up and realized that
telling them all the things they were not doing was doing them a disservice
because then they weren't learning to check the list themselves. I decided
to tell them that if I found a job that had not been done after they
had raced off to the TV saying their jobs were done then they would
1) need to do the job 2) lose any remaining TV time and 3) possibly
lose TV time later in the day. The punishment was a little harsh but
I felt they needed a severe consequence (and yes, loss of TV time is
quite severe in their world since they get so little) to make the point
that it was THEIR job to check the job chart.
I explained this to them and they understood that I was doing all the
work in policing the job chart. They have improved, but of course it
didn't take long before I was instituting the consequences. The thing
I need to improve on is not warning them before I institute the consequence,
such as "Are you sure you checked really good? I can see something."
So, I will try to just let chips fall where they may. But, it is hard
to have to deal with grumpy children because they didn't do everything
and now don't get TV. But I remind myself that I am helping them have
lots of experiences with taking responsibility and feeling consequences
when you make a bad choice. We brainstormed on ways to make sure the
jobs all get done, such as doing it how my son does, always in the same
order so he doesn't have to think much about it. I also institute a
"maid fee" for jobs that don't get done that I have to do.
Right now the morning jobs aren't really too demanding but it does entail:
getting dressed, putting PJs away, eating a good breakfast, cleaning
up after themselves, brushing teeth and putting it all away, picking
out juice and fruit for their lunch, putting lunch in their backpack
and making sure their school work is in their backpack, and putting
on shoes and socks and getting a coat if necessary.
I had a difficult decision this morning when my kids all decided to
sleep in. Feeling sorry for them I let it go for awhile and then woke
them when I thought they had sufficient time to get ready. WRONG, not
enough time. They lagged around, played, couldn't find anything they
liked for breakfast, etc. Unfortunately, they tend to do the maid fee
jobs first and there is no natural consequence for not brushing teeth
- it can't go undone. Yet, we can't be late for school. There is no
consequence at school to them, they just get marked tardy. So, I charge
them for a late driving fee if they make us late. But, my oldest left
everything and was not going to eat before going to school. The day
before the school had written a note stating that many children are
complaining of being hungry by 9:00 and to please make sure they eat
something that sustains them until snack at 10:00.
So, I felt there was no way to let her just be hungry. I explained this
to her and finally forced some yogurt down her, with much crying too.
What is a mother to do? I have learned that even if they are tired because
they were up late talking, that I will get them up if they ignore the
alarm clock. And let their tiredness be their consequence, instead of
getting so frustrated at instituting all the other job related consequences.
I realized that for some reason I expect everything to go well with
my little systems in place. But, they are children and they will make
bad choices, they are supposed to. Somehow I hate having to institute
my consequences I just want the threat of it to do the job. So I had
better stop wishing and just do it- institute whatever consequence I've
set up. Sometimes though its hard to come up with consequences for a
new situation right on the spot off the top of my head. If I have thought
it out and have a reasonable consequence I hope that the consequence
itself does the job. But I really need to SHUT UP! Vent my frustrations
in a journal, not at them. The big thing that this whole episode taught
me was that I need to remind myself again and again to notice the positives
and really play it up! That way they end up feeling good and will seek
out doing good things. - "Look Mommy, I put away my shoes!"
We did reinstitute our family meeting, finally having something to talk
about. We started out with thinking of something that each person had
done that was good, some goal they had reached. Then I explained that
the basic rules in our house were going unnoticed and I wanted brainstorming
on how to get them to remember the basic rules. They felt having them
written would help. These rules include: Turning out the lights when
you leave a room (as long as no one else is in the room), putting shoes
IN the shoe cubby not in the middle of the floor, eating only in the
kitchen, cleaning up food or anything else they have gotten out. I realized
that I had no stated consequence if rules were broken and that we needed
to brainstorm on these too. Most were that they would have to fix what
they had not done (clean up if they had eaten in the family room, go
turn off the light, etc.) It is amazing how complicated it gets to run
a household. I feel sorry for the president who has a whole country
to run!
Well, I hope that my battles with jobs have given you some insight,
made you feel like you could relate and helped you along. It has helped
me to write this and get a new game plan. So, those of you who don't
journal, maybe journaling or talking to a group of other parents could
help you out too.
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