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NOVEMBER 2002 - EXPECTATIONS When I think of my lessons I've learned lately as a parent all that comes to mind, of course, is what I've done wrong and what I could have done better. And this leads me to think about why the frustration comes when I'm trying to do something, usually some important mundane task like fix a meal, or get people out the door on time. I realized it was my expectations that lead to greater frustrations with my children. I expect to be on time, to have no fighting, to get things done, yet little interruptions, like my children fighting, get in the way. So why is it that I think that my children will get everything right and be perfect everyday all the time? It's a ridiculous assumption. So, the best thing to do would be to let go of that expectation that things will all go smoothly and concentrate on game plans for when it doesn't, because you know it will always be something. I realized that if I put my efforts into what my job really is - that of teaching my children how to deal with each other, especially in a stressful situation, then maybe my frustration would decrease at least a little. If they were perfect, then I wouldn't have this job would I? Therefore, I need to reprogram myself into thinking that a "good" day is a day that I successfully taught my children, NOT a day where everything went well and no one fought or did something wrong. I know it will take time to reprogram my brain but this week I'm going to concentrate on making the most of a teachable moment, not sighing over how difficult my children are being. After all, they are being themselves, what they need to be, just like I was at their age - children - not perfect. Maybe this will inspire you who read this to do the same and to ask yourself what are the "jobs" that children at this age are supposed to do? How can I teach them appropriately? Read up on the age of your children and make a game plan so that frustration won't enter your heart quite so often. I'll let you know how it goes in my life.

This is an all too typical story about my son. One day I decided to take the kids out to the hot tub and my oldest daughter noticed I was wearing a new swimsuit. So, she said, "Mommy, I like the white stripe down the side". And my son, Keith wanted to join in so he says while patting my tummy, "Mommy, I like your fat tummy." So, I explained to him that women don't really like to be told that they're fat, so he decided to make me feel better by saying, "That's OK Mommy I love your big butt too!" Oh, the truth that children say!

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Heidi's husband Nick wrote this workbook about Character Development. If you want to help instill values, virtues and character in your child then check out this out!

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